I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
