watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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