And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
