I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
