I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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