a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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