his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They are going to name an STD after you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
