Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
