Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
