dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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