Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
