the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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