All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
