Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
