I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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