Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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