I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i drank out of a bidet.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
