Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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