Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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