My first STD was from a foam party
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
