I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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