ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
