so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
