If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
