My nipple is on Facebook.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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