dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
