wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
