I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
