I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
