And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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