well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
