You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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