Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
