wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
