i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
