my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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