come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
