Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
