I cockslap morals
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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