im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am one with the molecules
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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