If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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