So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
