Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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