She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
