I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
