so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
