I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
