mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize