Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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