I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
