OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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