Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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