hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
