i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
