The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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