On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize