I wish you could order shots online.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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