Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
