My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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