I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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