Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
zippers are such a cool invention
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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