i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we made out on top of his cat.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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