first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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