i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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