Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
