I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize