oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
