very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
