Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you win again, gameday.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
