Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
