Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
