it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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