ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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