I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
