I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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