your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
