Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
COCAINE IS GR8
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
