She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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