her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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