I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
