marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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