I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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